Becoming a Writer...at Night

It's been a while since I've updated here. I guess I haven't been particularly inspired.

A few updates

-I got a new charger
(but as fate would allow my laptop battery died)
so

-I got a new laptop battery

(only to find the new charger was totally burned out)

so

(hubby sent out for a replacement chord, only prolonging my wait for things to be normal again)

finally

-I got the new charger

NOW I AM FINALLY BACK IN BUSINESS

(EDIT--- you wont believe this because I don't I JUST BROKE THE CHARGER AGAIN. No joke. WHY is this happening!!!!??? It fell like it did the first time with the cat. ??????????????????????!!!)

B) I have yet to draft out a writing schedule.
Why would I without the materials and other such excuses...

C) I still STILLstilililllstill have not buckled down by committing to a project. Actually it seemed I had, BUT it was all in my mind. For a month I stuck to the idea that I was working on that project exclusively but I still couldn't find a plot to compliment my character's situation. Perhaps this project is a mere distraction. I will put that distraction down until the project crystallizes.

D) I almost started a blog again. Are you surprised? I am! I actually THOUGHT I agreed it was a no go for very valid reasons. Speaking of which, thank God, REASON saved me---this time!

E) I am also NOT back to work. Just a day or two ago I was fantasizing about doing that third thing I can do again, simply because I was working with an outstanding unpaid client contract that aroused those dreams once more.

Sigh...

The career stuff has been the pits. I mean I am starting to think that my motives are not justifiable. At this point or for at least that last few months, I have been obsessed with embarking upon the all saving occupation. The way I saw it this career would have to save me professionally,  ocially too and it most had to save me financially. So naturally I am attracted to that third thing because it's the sexiest in my view. The first thing is virtually effortless with very little draw back. It just takes a little ego dismissing as well as uping my expected failure ratio along the way that is all.
The second thing is writing. It has the possibility of producing the most disappointment. Completing projects does not necessarily guarantee publishing. Likewise publishing does not equate to success, not financial success anyhow. It is a tough field full of competition and discouragement. It seems so unrealistic to even pursue what may be a waste of time. I would literally be starting from the chalky white line. Unlike one which I have education to back me and the third which is a talent I have perfected through pro bono experience for the last 10 years or so--- this is very new to me. I think I may be below novice status, here. At times it seems confusing. I do not know where to start. I do not have any contacts. There are so many people with different advice about how to get jump started. Honestly, it is frightening. I wonder if I am pressing so hard to do it to prove something or if it is truly my raw ability that will distinguish me in a miraculous way.

But you see it has occurred to me it all does not matter, because I am waiting for some magic genie to grant me the perfect career. Life is about choice. Some of us get stuck in the fantasy of being something great that we become nothing at all.(*this asterisk means something). I think that is the problem. I am waiting to hop on the back car of any train that I think is heading for fameville only to find that there are many unglamorous pit stops along the way. I question if success is what I really want. Is it money then? I do not know. However something I am sure of: I must make a choice. Time is winding down for everything. If am to qualify for something I have got to choose it and stick to it no matter what the consequence. I have to have loyalty and faith to a career and to a project for that matter.

This is the challenge however. I will have to beliee vthat the decision I make albeit writing, going back to my original love or that third thing. I have to trust that I have what it takes inside of me to select the strong path. Then I have to glue my mind to it forever. I see how past “failures” have stripped me of my hope, but I can let them stop me.

If I choose to be a writer then a writer I will be. For better for worse I have to do something.

Let’s hope it will be writing.

A story of 1,000 glories starts one page at a time...
~Misty Miles